I haven't blogged here for a while. I have, quite clearly, failed at what I've set out to do. I don't know why I've managed to so spectacularly fail to achieve the goal I set out for myself, which was to write one of these a day for a 100 days finishing...a while ago now! I think maybe the issue was setting myself up to write something interesting, important and relevant every day was a little too ambitious back then.
Anyway, I'm back here now because someone is indeed in need of a letter. And it's my squishy...you can call her what you want. If you know who she is of course. Which you might. Or don't. Who knows.
Her Grandfather died this weekend and, the fact that it wasn't really unexpected and the fact that he has lived a long, interesting and happy life, doesn't really make a difference to how sad she feels right now. Many of my friends have lost family members recently and every time it happens I feel a combination of sadness, fear and relief. And then, though I'm glad I'm human enough to feel empathy, I feel guilty for each of these feelings, knowing that this isn't about me or my thoughts on life and mortality in any way.
But it's strange how each of us respond to news of death in different ways. Some of us become cloyingly sympathetic, appearing to stroke, hug, kiss, feed and comfort the bereaved in a variety of ways. Others of us run a mile- wanting to get far enough away to be able to deny the basic, terrifying truths of life and mortality. And there are so many -an alien race to me- who can bravely face death straight on. Who can accept and discuss and rationalise, and who can understand that life and death are part and parcel of our everyday adventures. I'm not one of those people. My sister calls me a dreamer, a fantasist...she derides my attempts to look further than the everyday- whether that be in romance, religion or career plans- and I think this translates to my response to death. I push it anyway, I refuse to believe and, luckily perhaps for my business, I make jokes.
But, Squishy, maybe that's not the worst response after all. I can't physically be with you now anyway and I doubt I could cook anything that would entice you greatly. Lots of the people you love are there doing these things now, and no doubt you're doing them in return for your family who are just as sad as you. And you're facing life and death head on right now, I can't see the appeal of me being there just to affirm that's what you're doing and what's happening. So I'll do what I'm best at. I'll write you blogs, I'll send you jokes or funny YouTube links, I'll distract you with stories of my latest mess ups or woes of a broken heart and you can forget your problems for a minute and play Mama Squishy. I'll tell you funny stories from work and we can laugh or bitch over our contemporaries' behaviours, successes or misfortunes. Because I've realised that who I am is much of what you are too. You might have a proper job and a real life boyfriend. You might talk about marriage and cook proper meals and pass your driving test and go on hen nights, but really you're a silly, funny, fantasist too. So how about this. You can call me, you can cry. I will respond. But in a couple of weeks I'm gonna rock up on your doorstep with a CRATE (read bottle) of something pink and sparkling, some slag mags and news from Londinium. You can fill me in on the past few weeks. We'll talk about some serious stuff, we'll cast our eyes to the heavens and be thankful for all the good things we have and have yet to come and then we'll descend rapidly into two giggling, joking, slightly crass (at times), ridiculous beings and have a lovely time, thankful that no one else gets to see us at what might be our best or our worst. We won't know and we won't care. Until then hold tight, do some crying, do some smiling, look after your Grandma and remember that it'll get better.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Starting again...
I'm a long way from finished on this blog. As, I'm sure, you can see.
If you're a meanie, you probably noticed this a while ago and quietly sniggered into your teacup thinking, 'I knew she'd never manage it'. If you're a nice'un and were impressed by the attempt I initially made at creating and maintaining this blog, you were probably pretty disappointed in me and a little sad that something so potentially life affirming could be neglected so apparently easily.
I'm also a long way over the deadline. But - despite admittedly getting very sidetracked - I'm definitely not a quitter...if anything, once started, I'm obsessively bound to completing a task, so I intend to do so with this one. Even though I stopped writing entries on this project months ago, I've often thought back to it...I've come across moments, situations and people that I feel could benefit from these letters and I've felt lazy and guilty that I haven't sat down and written anything. So the next few entries will be filled with me going back over those moments I wish I'd captured at the time, in the vain hope that the old adage 'Better late than never' will stand true.
If you're a meanie, you probably noticed this a while ago and quietly sniggered into your teacup thinking, 'I knew she'd never manage it'. If you're a nice'un and were impressed by the attempt I initially made at creating and maintaining this blog, you were probably pretty disappointed in me and a little sad that something so potentially life affirming could be neglected so apparently easily.
I'm also a long way over the deadline. But - despite admittedly getting very sidetracked - I'm definitely not a quitter...if anything, once started, I'm obsessively bound to completing a task, so I intend to do so with this one. Even though I stopped writing entries on this project months ago, I've often thought back to it...I've come across moments, situations and people that I feel could benefit from these letters and I've felt lazy and guilty that I haven't sat down and written anything. So the next few entries will be filled with me going back over those moments I wish I'd captured at the time, in the vain hope that the old adage 'Better late than never' will stand true.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Letter 14...
Bradley,
I haven't seen you for a few months. I haven't really been all that much in touch with you. But the day I saw a message on your Facebook wall saying someone was praying for your family and talking about your sister, my heart stopped. I've thought about you and your sister a little each day since then and, without ever having met her, I'm so sad for her, for you, for your family and for all her friends. I know you have family and friends encircling you right now. I know that I'm just another person offering words of comfort and empathy, a person much much less close to you than the ones currently there for you in Indiana. So I don't want to labour the point. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and praying for you like so many others. Your last two blogs have been absolutely beautiful and moved me just so much. Your brotherly qualities and love shine out and I think you sister was so lucky to have you.
I wish you all the best Bradley. I think you're amazingly brave. I hope to see you in happier times.
Lucy
I haven't seen you for a few months. I haven't really been all that much in touch with you. But the day I saw a message on your Facebook wall saying someone was praying for your family and talking about your sister, my heart stopped. I've thought about you and your sister a little each day since then and, without ever having met her, I'm so sad for her, for you, for your family and for all her friends. I know you have family and friends encircling you right now. I know that I'm just another person offering words of comfort and empathy, a person much much less close to you than the ones currently there for you in Indiana. So I don't want to labour the point. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and praying for you like so many others. Your last two blogs have been absolutely beautiful and moved me just so much. Your brotherly qualities and love shine out and I think you sister was so lucky to have you.
I wish you all the best Bradley. I think you're amazingly brave. I hope to see you in happier times.
Lucy
Friday, December 25, 2009
Letter 13...Merry Christmas y'all!
Dear the World,
Hmm...bit cheesy? I guess so. I would address it to the U.K. but feel I might have offended my friends in other countries around the World. Anyway, the reason that I felt that a mass Christmas letter was important is -also now a cliche- because of the current state of the world. In the last couple of weeks alone I have come face to face with so many disturbing current events:
...Anyway, too late to dwell on such options now. It's important to focus on what to do. We're all, I know, so busy, so stressed, so scared etc. But my Christmas message to you this year is to do one thing, any one thing, towards helping the world turn out the way you'd like it to. I know people who write beautiful poetry, people who travel from city to city performing music written to highlight todays problems, comedians who use humour to argue what needs to be done, I've heard tell of campaigners who put their lives on the line to make a point...I guess I've -so far- just written a blog to incite action. So I'm not begging you to do anything radical. Just...I dunno...get out there, make a point, get the world back on track.
Merry Christmas
Hmm...bit cheesy? I guess so. I would address it to the U.K. but feel I might have offended my friends in other countries around the World. Anyway, the reason that I felt that a mass Christmas letter was important is -also now a cliche- because of the current state of the world. In the last couple of weeks alone I have come face to face with so many disturbing current events:
- The War in Iraq -particularly the number of young men and women that died this year and won't be home in the UK and the USA to spend Christmas with their families. Also the young Iraqis who have died this year
- The issues in the Middle East -the growing anti-Semitism in this Country and in the world at large/the increasing anti-Islam movement
- Armament -the ridiculous, dangerous and downright terrifying number of destructive weapons owned by countries around the world
...Anyway, too late to dwell on such options now. It's important to focus on what to do. We're all, I know, so busy, so stressed, so scared etc. But my Christmas message to you this year is to do one thing, any one thing, towards helping the world turn out the way you'd like it to. I know people who write beautiful poetry, people who travel from city to city performing music written to highlight todays problems, comedians who use humour to argue what needs to be done, I've heard tell of campaigners who put their lives on the line to make a point...I guess I've -so far- just written a blog to incite action. So I'm not begging you to do anything radical. Just...I dunno...get out there, make a point, get the world back on track.
Merry Christmas
Letter 12
Dear ANYONE WHO WORKS IN CUSTOMER SERVICE AND IS SHIT.
This is not for the good people. There are many good people who work in Customer Services. The people who look at you and smile and ask how your day is going. The people who seem to actually care if they 'serve their customers', or who do a darn good job of pretending that they care. The people who don't want their customers to leave feeling like shit or on the verge of tears. Admittedly the majority of these people are American or working on commission. HOWEVER the fact remains that they DO exist.
Excuse the overuse of capitalisation today. I actually do feel very strongly about this. Mostly because I've noticed more and more recently how bloody rude people in England are. I don't know whether it's actually getting worse or if it's just been highlighted because I've returned from the U.S.A where, to all accounts, customer service is well known for being a heck of a lot better. Regardless, it is SHIT in England.
I myself have worked in jobs where I deal with customers on a day to day basis. And yes I have become annoyed when faced with irritating or rude people. I have found myself wanting to turn my back on particular customers or kick them in the...ahem. ANYHOW the fact remains that -most of the time- I have done neither of these things nor committed any other customer service faux pas because the truth remains I AM DOING A JOB. As long as nobody is rude to ME as a person, makes a comment or behaves in an unprofessional way or, basically, provokes me in a way that does not fit into what I consider my job description to be, I will fix a smile on my face and deliver a service. Because, as rude as that person may be, they are paying me to do that.
And no I'm not saying that anyone with money should get away with whatever they want. I don't give a damn if it's an Aristocrat or a man spending his last dollar. Uh pound. If they are paying for me to deliver customer service to them, I will darn well give them good customer service. I've spoken to friends, family and ex-boyfriends. I KNOW how annoying it is when someone behaves badly in a restaurant, when they tell you off for something that's not your fault, when they piss and moan that drinks haven't arrived on time, when they yell at you for offering them a phone deal they don't want, when people ask for specific special deals you weren't aware even existed, let alone know how to process them etc. But at the end of the day they're not going to pay you to do something for them AND then try to find the easiest way for you to do it. Perhaps some people will. But probably not many. And definitely not most. If I've ever offended you in a restaurant I'm sorry. However if the steak comes cold or my drink comes late, even though it's not YOUR fault how am I supposed to know this? I've never worked in a restaurant. AND even if it's not your fault it's sure not MY fault. And if you behave like a prat on the telephone to me -or give me dumb information- you're the ONLY person I can get mad at. ESPECIALLY if you don't put me through to the manager.
I'm not saying you should treat Customer Services Staff like shit. I've seen it done, complained when people I'm with do it and don't condone it at all. I admit there's a fine thing between behaving badly and demanding what you're due. However I feel that the old adage 'The Customer is always right' should be applied at least a little more than it currently is. Because -and I suppose I have no idea what customers are like in general nowadays- I have been so offended on my behalf AND for others on a number of occasions recently.
For example, whilst showing friends around London recently we took them to Cafe Nero for coffee and cake. We ran in out of the freezing cold snowy London streets (with a lady who was feeling ill enough to need to stop walking and sit down for a while) and ordered about seven large coffees and four or five food dishes. As the woman was making and passing over cups of coffee my mother asked why she was putting everything into paper cups and not china. The woman replied that we were getting take away as the cafe closed in 5 minutes (not, may I add, at the time shown on the door). When we gestured at the weather and pointed out that she hadn't mentioned this before taking our order, and our money, she mock-gasped, sarcastically said 'Oh no!' and rolled her eyes, before continuing to make the coffee. There was no rhyme nor reason to this response which I personally found rude and offensive. Especially in the Christmas period where I would feel spreading 'good cheer' is the order of the day.
Honestly I don't care if I come across snooty in this blog because I don't feel that I'm asking a lot when I ask for a nice demeanour and good behaviour. I appreciate -and am sure I will continue to suffer- some of the problems of dealing with customers. However, I really feel that UK based employers need to train their staff to behave properly. I find it so hard to find a job nowadays and I find it infuriating when I come face to face with the people doing the jobs I'm not even considered for, and doing so with such bad grace. Similarly, the harder I find it to get a job the less money I have to spend. And I prefer not to blow my last fiver on being treated like crap.
Just a thought
Lucy
This is not for the good people. There are many good people who work in Customer Services. The people who look at you and smile and ask how your day is going. The people who seem to actually care if they 'serve their customers', or who do a darn good job of pretending that they care. The people who don't want their customers to leave feeling like shit or on the verge of tears. Admittedly the majority of these people are American or working on commission. HOWEVER the fact remains that they DO exist.
Excuse the overuse of capitalisation today. I actually do feel very strongly about this. Mostly because I've noticed more and more recently how bloody rude people in England are. I don't know whether it's actually getting worse or if it's just been highlighted because I've returned from the U.S.A where, to all accounts, customer service is well known for being a heck of a lot better. Regardless, it is SHIT in England.
I myself have worked in jobs where I deal with customers on a day to day basis. And yes I have become annoyed when faced with irritating or rude people. I have found myself wanting to turn my back on particular customers or kick them in the...ahem. ANYHOW the fact remains that -most of the time- I have done neither of these things nor committed any other customer service faux pas because the truth remains I AM DOING A JOB. As long as nobody is rude to ME as a person, makes a comment or behaves in an unprofessional way or, basically, provokes me in a way that does not fit into what I consider my job description to be, I will fix a smile on my face and deliver a service. Because, as rude as that person may be, they are paying me to do that.
And no I'm not saying that anyone with money should get away with whatever they want. I don't give a damn if it's an Aristocrat or a man spending his last dollar. Uh pound. If they are paying for me to deliver customer service to them, I will darn well give them good customer service. I've spoken to friends, family and ex-boyfriends. I KNOW how annoying it is when someone behaves badly in a restaurant, when they tell you off for something that's not your fault, when they piss and moan that drinks haven't arrived on time, when they yell at you for offering them a phone deal they don't want, when people ask for specific special deals you weren't aware even existed, let alone know how to process them etc. But at the end of the day they're not going to pay you to do something for them AND then try to find the easiest way for you to do it. Perhaps some people will. But probably not many. And definitely not most. If I've ever offended you in a restaurant I'm sorry. However if the steak comes cold or my drink comes late, even though it's not YOUR fault how am I supposed to know this? I've never worked in a restaurant. AND even if it's not your fault it's sure not MY fault. And if you behave like a prat on the telephone to me -or give me dumb information- you're the ONLY person I can get mad at. ESPECIALLY if you don't put me through to the manager.
I'm not saying you should treat Customer Services Staff like shit. I've seen it done, complained when people I'm with do it and don't condone it at all. I admit there's a fine thing between behaving badly and demanding what you're due. However I feel that the old adage 'The Customer is always right' should be applied at least a little more than it currently is. Because -and I suppose I have no idea what customers are like in general nowadays- I have been so offended on my behalf AND for others on a number of occasions recently.
For example, whilst showing friends around London recently we took them to Cafe Nero for coffee and cake. We ran in out of the freezing cold snowy London streets (with a lady who was feeling ill enough to need to stop walking and sit down for a while) and ordered about seven large coffees and four or five food dishes. As the woman was making and passing over cups of coffee my mother asked why she was putting everything into paper cups and not china. The woman replied that we were getting take away as the cafe closed in 5 minutes (not, may I add, at the time shown on the door). When we gestured at the weather and pointed out that she hadn't mentioned this before taking our order, and our money, she mock-gasped, sarcastically said 'Oh no!' and rolled her eyes, before continuing to make the coffee. There was no rhyme nor reason to this response which I personally found rude and offensive. Especially in the Christmas period where I would feel spreading 'good cheer' is the order of the day.
Honestly I don't care if I come across snooty in this blog because I don't feel that I'm asking a lot when I ask for a nice demeanour and good behaviour. I appreciate -and am sure I will continue to suffer- some of the problems of dealing with customers. However, I really feel that UK based employers need to train their staff to behave properly. I find it so hard to find a job nowadays and I find it infuriating when I come face to face with the people doing the jobs I'm not even considered for, and doing so with such bad grace. Similarly, the harder I find it to get a job the less money I have to spend. And I prefer not to blow my last fiver on being treated like crap.
Just a thought
Lucy
Monday, December 21, 2009
Late Letter 11
Jeez Louise,
I was doing SO well! Never mind. Who shall I write to now? I have lots in the pipeline, but actually publishing appears to be the issue. Okay, so this is in fact whom I shall write to today:
Brittany Murphy's family,
I'm sorry.
This must be an awful awful time for you. I'm so sad about reading about the deaths of young people nowadays. It makes me uncomfortable, scared, sad, depressed, angry. If someone older dies I'm sad. If a soldier dies I'm sad. If someone very much like you dies in an everyday way I'm TERRIFIED. If the person has lead a dangerous lifestyle it's easier to dismiss their death as being the result of this. You think -well it won't affect me because the people I know don't behave like that. You don't always stop to look a little further back. Look into WHY a person may behave like this. Are there background reasons: an abusive family, an awful partner, mental health issues, bullying at work...
The first news reports about Brittany said that she dabbled in drugs. I covered up my feeling of sadness by thinking -well, let's be honest, if she gambled with her life then I can't waste time feeling sad and sorry for her. I can still feel for her family, but not about her death in the exact same way. Maybe this is wrong but it's a way of ignoring the shitty things that happen. You blame it on fame and money too young...passionate love affairs gone awry...hedonism gone mad.
Then the reports changed. She had a heart murmur. She was on prescription drugs. And I learnt the lesson of not believing everything one reads in the tabloids. And now I feel a whole heap more sad again. I'm saddened that someone who looks so beautiful, strong and successful can have it all taken away the next day. I'm terrified of being in your position: staring at my wonderful daughter, sister, wife etc., believing I'll see her grow each and every day, attending her wedding and awaiting perhaps the birth of tiny Murphys...and then having nothing.
I don't know what the reality is. And the basic truth is:
1.) Don't judge
2.) I feel sad regardless
I wish you all the best in your lives and hope you find joy in your other children, partners, siblings. I hope you remember Brittany and find a special place for her in your heart. I hope I'll stop talking in cliches and leave you with my heartfelt sympathy.
I was doing SO well! Never mind. Who shall I write to now? I have lots in the pipeline, but actually publishing appears to be the issue. Okay, so this is in fact whom I shall write to today:
Brittany Murphy's family,
I'm sorry.
This must be an awful awful time for you. I'm so sad about reading about the deaths of young people nowadays. It makes me uncomfortable, scared, sad, depressed, angry. If someone older dies I'm sad. If a soldier dies I'm sad. If someone very much like you dies in an everyday way I'm TERRIFIED. If the person has lead a dangerous lifestyle it's easier to dismiss their death as being the result of this. You think -well it won't affect me because the people I know don't behave like that. You don't always stop to look a little further back. Look into WHY a person may behave like this. Are there background reasons: an abusive family, an awful partner, mental health issues, bullying at work...
The first news reports about Brittany said that she dabbled in drugs. I covered up my feeling of sadness by thinking -well, let's be honest, if she gambled with her life then I can't waste time feeling sad and sorry for her. I can still feel for her family, but not about her death in the exact same way. Maybe this is wrong but it's a way of ignoring the shitty things that happen. You blame it on fame and money too young...passionate love affairs gone awry...hedonism gone mad.
Then the reports changed. She had a heart murmur. She was on prescription drugs. And I learnt the lesson of not believing everything one reads in the tabloids. And now I feel a whole heap more sad again. I'm saddened that someone who looks so beautiful, strong and successful can have it all taken away the next day. I'm terrified of being in your position: staring at my wonderful daughter, sister, wife etc., believing I'll see her grow each and every day, attending her wedding and awaiting perhaps the birth of tiny Murphys...and then having nothing.
I don't know what the reality is. And the basic truth is:
1.) Don't judge
2.) I feel sad regardless
I wish you all the best in your lives and hope you find joy in your other children, partners, siblings. I hope you remember Brittany and find a special place for her in your heart. I hope I'll stop talking in cliches and leave you with my heartfelt sympathy.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Day 14...Letter 10...WHAT!?
I am SIX letters behind...yes yes I am WELL aware of this. Having spent the last few days travelling around between University and home, trying to finish my group's first handed in MA project (argh!) and still having time to visit the Chocolate Festival on the Southbank, I have definitely not been spending time making myself a better person. Not in bloggie form at least. I have however thought about writing if that helps. Anyone? Never mind. So I've decided to outsource as my family are quite thrilled about this whole blogging malarkey. To make up for the 10th day I shall publish a letter my Father wrote for this purpose. My Mother and Grandmother currently have works in the pipeline. That's three...and I shall tomorrow write 2 plus the actual one. I'll just transfer the pre-written letters in my head onto the paper. But...lazy as it seems, outsourcing has been a rather nice experience. Lots of people who are not terribly into the 'blogging scene' and have never heard of the 'A Hundred Days...' have started reading and commenting on how much they like the whole concept. But -of course- they a) don't wanna look like a copycat and b) don't have time to write once a day, every day, for a hundred days. So but uh...asking for help I'm actually giving people the opportunity to join in. So am I...does that mean...in failing have I actually become a BETTER PERSON!? YES ! YES!! YES!!!
Dad's Letter:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8411326.stm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00pclyz/Fern_Britton_Meets..._Tony_Blair/
Dad's Letter:
Dear Mr Blair (not President or Prime Minister),
I thank you very much for the information that the decision to go to war was one that had to be made.I fortunately have never had to fight in any of your wars but I do note that you have now been responsible for more wars than during the era of WWII. That is some achievement and you must be very proud. However I don't want to spend too much time with sarcastic remarks (as I could go on all day).
The point is there are so many people who have died because somewhere along the line you decided to play God. A decision was made to go to war on an unsubstantiated claim that there were WMD (weapons of mass destruction). I understand your decision was made on the basis that WMD 's did exist but you never ever ever asked for any proof. Why is that? Are you able to answer that question?
For all the people who you have used as cannon fodder for your own political means I ask you to reconsider your statement today. That 'Faith' gave you the strength to make tough decisions. I am not sure about faith at all and I am certainly not sure about your faith . Not because I am Jewish and you come from a Christian background. Oh no not at all.
But there are some common statements set out in the Old and New Testament that I would assume something of 'faith' such of yourself would abide by. However...
Thou shall not kill............. More wars than during the era of WWII
Thou shall not bear false witness.......... I can't answer this for legal reasons. As a Lawyer you will understand that. Let the people make a decision on this.
Thou shall not steal................. Yes, but who allowed the stealing of the lives of these teenagers and youths? Not to mention older family men and women?
I am not intending to qualify a full argument on these. But its interesting that the mention of your "faith" never entered into your first term as Prime Minister. Tell me Mr Blair did you find Faith later on or did you just hide it ? I have seen so many people hide behind their "faith" and I'll tell you this Mr Blair...
Faith is not about religion.
Faith is about trust and respect ; The whole country trusted you and put faith in you . We did not ask you to summon up your own faith to do it . Nor did we ask you to use your religion as a banner. I am not religious as I have stated, but I am sickened by anybody who has used the "F" word as any part of their pathetic argument to crawl and wriggle out of reasoning.
Meantime this question still remains unanswered: Who said Saddam only needs 45 minutes to release WMD? Will you ever tell us who said this? So far that person has been hidden or even buried from view. Far be it from me to defend even one hair on the head of Saddam Hussein Dead or Alive. However just remember that, just like the crusades, thousands of innocent people have died or been made to suffer because somebody with faith hung onto a decision.
How about you stand up and be a man and indicate that you and not God stubbornly stood by a very wrong decision? Saddam may be dead because of you but at what cost? This is a letter to ask you to have the Faith to stand up and admit you were wrong and apologise its the least you can do .
http://news.bbc
http://www.bbc.
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